I did NOT need to hear that!
by Anna Yolei
Summary: Tucker learns something he never wanted to know! Some T-T'P undertones.


**I Did NOT Need To Hear That!**

**By Anna Yolei**

Summary: In one of their neuropressure sessions, T'Pol and Tucker hear something they really didn't need to know-or want to know, for that matter. Rated "PG-13" for some sexual innuendo. Oh, yeah, there are some T/Tish undertones and a pairing to be announced-and let me tell you it's just WRONG. That's all I can tell you, since that is the basis of the story. Anyway, I only own this story, not the characters.

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Trip Tucker and T'Pol lay on the floor of her quarters. They were having on of their neuropressure sessions. Tonight, they were working on each other's toes. T'Pol was wearing a somewhat short nightgown. Unfortunately for Trip, it wasn't short enough to where he could see under it from the way he was sitting. Suddenly as he strained to see under T'Pol's robe, he felt a sharp pain coursing through his left leg.

"Oww!"

"I apologize, Commander." _Perhaps you will learn to use more discretion,_ she thought to herself. She took a moment to admire his arms before continuing where she left off.

"I can't wait till we go home," Trip said. "I'll visit my mother an' she'll make the best catfish of anywhere I've been to. You should visit Earth sometime."

"I intend to, someday." 

"You know, Cap'n Archer's been missin' a lot of dinners this week. You know what he's been doing?"

"I do not."

A thump on T'Pol's right wall was heard. It came from Captain Archer's quarters. T'Pol looked at her clock. It was not quite 2300 hours; much too early for them to….Trip looked at T'Pol, wondering if they should go investigate.

"It would be in your best interest if you were to ignore that, Mr. Tucker." He looked at her questioningly. He knew she was hiding something from him.

"You know something I don't?"

She paused for a moment. "As I said, it is best not to know. Let's try your back now." T'Pol guided Trip onto his stomach and placed her hands on his back. Tucker closed his eyes and was about to indulge in the pleasure of this backrub when another thump was heard, which was much louder than before.

"You're tensing up, Mr. Tucker," T'Pol told him, not acknowledging the noise. "Pay no attention to your surroundings and relax your breathing." She hoped Commander Tucker could ignore the commotion next door, as she wished not to dwell upon it herself.

Trip did as he was instructed. All was well and quiet for three minutes. Trip thought to himself how nearly everyone on the _Enterprise_ thought he and T'Pol were screwing like rabbits, and he secretly wished they were right. But, alas, T'Pol was Vulcan and that would never happen….

"Oh, Jonathon!" a woman's voice cut though. It was muffled by the bulkhead, but very much audible. Captain Archer replied with "Oh, yeah, you like it don't you?!" Trip's eyes shot open and he rolled over on his back as the giggles in the next room continued.

"T'Pol, did you hear that? Something is definitely goin' on and I don't think it's good."

T'Pol, who was unphased by the obvious fact that Captain Archer was fraternizing with a subordinate, simply replied with, "That is none of our concern. Let us continue."

"I'm not continuin' anything!!" Trip got up on his feet.

"Commander…"

"Just who is he doin' in there?!" 

Then he heard Captain Archer moan out Hoshi's name and Trip turned green with sickness. T'Pol merely looked out her window and watched the stars go by.

"Oh, my Gawd!" He yelled! "How long as this been goin' on?!"

"Eight days."

His mouth dropped. "Eight days? Why didn't I ever…."

T'Pol turned to look at him.

"Usually, they get engage in intercourse at a much later hour, when you are asleep."

_Well, that was one thing I really could have lived without ever knowing._ "I never thought Hoshi was his type of gal. I mean, Cap'n Archer's old enough to be her father! This whole thing is just…gah! How do you deal with it?"

"I am disciplined enough to push it out of my conscious mind when they are enjoying one another."

Trip was so glad to have quarters at the other end of B deck. "I see why you didn't want to tell me. Have you ever…caught them together? You know… _together_?"

"Unfortunately, I did. I do not wish to elaborate further upon that experience." Even an extra hour of mediation each night following that incident had failed to remove that image from her mind.

"Amen to that."

"Oh, Jonathon! Lick me harder!"

Trip turned red and buried his face into his hands. "I did NOT need to hear that!"

"I've learned that is Ensign Sato's favorite…position."

"And I _really_ didn't need to know that, T'Pol!!" Now _he_ had a mental picture.

"I apologize. Do you wish to continue the session?"

Trip shook his head, knowing this would be the last time he'd step into her room after seven in the evening. "Next time, let's do this in my quarters."

"Agreed."

The two of them sat in silence as they heard Hoshi being brought to release. Neither of them made eye contact with the other until everything was quiet. Finally, Trip spoke.

"Do you want to…go to the mess hall, or the gym? Or anywhere but here?"

"That is a wise suggestion."

After T'Pol changed into something less revealing, the two of them stepped out of her room. At the same time, Archer and Sato came out of his quarters. They directed their attention from each other to T'Pol and Trip. Archer began to turn red and Sato looked off from all three of them. Trip scratched his neck.

"Lovely evening, sir," Trip commented.

"I didn't notice."

"I'm sure you didn't," T'Pol added. Archer said nothing about this, but he knew what she was getting at.

"Well, Jona-, er, the Captain and I were about to go to, um…the mess hall to...um.."

"Get coffee," Archer finished. "Yep, coffee."

T'Pol and Trip looked at each other. "Well," Tucker said, "T'Pol and I are going to the work on some power relays. Good night." Trip covered his mouth as he ran off in the opposite direction. T'Pol followed suit. Hoshi looked at Archer.

"You think they heard?" Sato asked.

"Oh, yeah."

**The End**

_Yeah, it was kinda lame. The idea popped into my head when I re-read the ending to my other A/S fic. I just thought I'd put it on paper before I forgot. It felt nice to get my mind off of the A/T-T/T shipper wars that's been going on since the "Harbinger" spoilers came out in November._

_Please R&R this and my other fics!_


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